Musings From The Trashcan

Musings from the Trashcan

In second grade, I met my first nemesis, Sister Marcella. Whenever you didn’t follow the path she laid out for you, you were immediately sent to sit in the trashcan. This battered, green, round metal bin and I became fast friends.

It took a delicate balancing act to keep from sinking to the bottom of the can. If you artfully hooked your arms over the edges while pushing out with your thighs, you could hold yourself up, precariously, which gave you a clear view of your classmates as they craned their necks to look, point, and laugh at you.

I never really knew what rules I was breaking and I tell you I didn't break them on purpose, I was just answering the call of my heart to explore, to wander, to see what was just outside the box. That free spirit that lived within me was intense. I tried my best to be true to that inner voice but alas, like most young mustangs, I eventually broke and docilely followed the herd.

It took most of the second grade, sitting in that trashcan, feeling the shame and ridicule of my classmates, before I chose to put my free spirit away, high up on a shelf, where no one could laugh at her.

For many years, I feared to do anything that might draw attention my way. If doing it involved the possibility of people looking at me and judging me, or worst yet laughing at me, well I’d rather clean the bathroom floor with my tongue. I was very, very good at following the rules too. Life became very black and white.

Oh, and let me tell you, Sister Marcella showed up over and over in my life. Whether it was a boss, (several over the years), or a mother in the mommy mafia at my son’s school, everywhere I turned, there she was, with her critical eye checking to make sure I didn’t stray from "the path"….the path she had laid out, "the path" to a very vanilla life.

With my exuberant, sparkly light, hidden away, high on a shelf, I lived a life of..."what would people think"..."I can't do that"..." what is the right thing to do here, aka what would they do?"

Once I got this tape automated and running on a loop in my head, I was able to turn my eye towards other more enjoyable pastimes, like, judging everyone else against the list of "rules" that had been written during my life. I quickly got an "A" in judgmental behavior. It was amazing how quickly someone breaking the "rules" could trigger my anger.

Once I hit my thirties, I was able to look at the things I thought I had to do and hold them up against the things my heart wanted me to do. The crazy thing is, the more I started choosing with my heart and not from a place of fear, the more joy appeared in my life. Sometimes I was so afraid, I mean almost immobile with fear, but I chose to do it anyway. You know what? I only had to take the first step forward, into the unknown, and the next step would magically appear, AND hell and brimstone didn't rain down on me. The bonus was no one was craning their neck to point and laugh at me.

Now I use the trashcan to discard the things that no longer serve me, as I happily pursue finding my soul's purpose, recycling what I can and gratefully pitching the rest!

#Trashcan #FindingYourSoulsPurpose

You can create a life that exceeds all your expectations! One that resonates with possibility and potential.

A life that Sparkles.

Let me show you how…

Sue BradySeptember 13, 2018Comment