What Story Are You Telling Yourself?

Pick a Topping, Any Topping

I had a triggering event last week that made me stop short to look at what story I was telling myself that was unleashing my ego allowing it to play havoc in my life.

Last Thursday started out smoothly enough. I had a direct report that was leaving the company for another job, and we were going to have lunch brought in for the team. We chose pizza and when I say we chose pizza, I mean we really chose pizza. I spoke to each member on the team and asked them precisely what their favorite topping was and came up with a very specific list of pizzas to order.

There is a guy at work whose job is to do administrative office tasks. He came into my office and asked if I wanted him to order the pizzas for lunch. He already has a company credit card, which I do not, and also knew which pizza place to call. I said yes. Sigh. This is where I got derailed. I gave him the list:

(2) Pepperoni, (2) Sausage (my favorite), (1) Hamburger/Chicken (Odd but whatever), (1) Bacon.

Flash forward to lunch. I had run out to do an errand, and when I was driving back to work I get a call from a co-worker and the exchange when like this:

Coworker: “Would you like me to save you some pizza?”

Me: “Yes please, I’ll take 2 slices of Sausage. Thanks.”

Coworker: “There is no Sausage.”

Me: “Sure there is, we ordered 2 large Sausage pizzas.”

Coworker: “Nope there is no Sausage, would you like Veggie Supreme?”

Me: “WTF, I didn’t order any Veggie Supreme, no one wanted anything remotely resembling a veggie on their pizza!”

Coworker: ”How about Bacon/Mushroom?”

Me: “What?”

Coworker: “We also have BBQ Chicken.”

Me: “Seriously? Did we get any pepperoni?”

Coworker: “Yes, we got one pepperoni pizza. It was eaten first.”

By now I am pulling into work and madder than a wet hen. What the hell happened here? I come into the room, and there is the whole team sitting glumly, chewing their pizza like it was cardboard. I looked at the two guys who along with me where looking forward to sinking our teeth into the sausage pizza, and I thought they were going to cry.

It turns out the young man who ordered for us, is a health and fitness buff and doesn't eat anything as mundane as pizza. He didn't know the backstory of how everyone was given a choice on what to order. He thought he was improving on a very unimaginative variety of unhealthy food.

I knew in my heart that my ego was engaged, that’s why I was so mad. Who cares what pizza got ordered, it was a free lunch, where was my gratitude? I apologized to the team that the pizza they wanted had been switched out to a different assortment. Needless to say, we had tons of Veggie Supreme, and BBQ Chicken left over.

What followed me more closely than a case of indigestion though, was my anger over the whole thing. I had been supported emotionally by the two sausage guys for sure. Yet I couldn’t shake this feeling that I was bigger than this and that it was an area of opportunity for me to grow. I just couldn’t crack it open even though I asked myself repeatedly, “What’s really at the heart of this situation?”

Back in the deep recesses of my brain, I continued to ask myself “What is at the core of this? This is a typical reaction from you? It’s getting old. What would it be like to let this kind of stuff roll off your shoulders? Why do things like this bother you so much? How do you go from feeling good about what you are doing to wanting to smack someone upside the head in a nanosecond?” Hmm, I continued to ponder.

The next morning I chanced upon a quote, “The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.” ~ William James, Father of Psychology.

Something stirred in the back of my brain. “Was it really my thoughts that were causing me so much pain and not the incident itself? Why would anyone willingly choose thoughts that cause suffering? What thought was I choosing to fret over when I got my hissy fit on?“ Hmm, more pondering.

I found another quote. “Men are not troubled by things themselves but by their thoughts about them.” ~ Epictetus.

Could this guy be right? I mean, they didn’t even have pizza back in his day, just saying. But okay, I’ll bite. “What are my thoughts about this incident that have my panties in a bunch?”

I took a second to take a breath and go deep inside to see what my soul’s truth really was, and at that moment it came to me. Here I am trying to do something good, something that matters, for a gal, moving on to a new job, to thank her for her service and my efforts are disregarded. The short version is “What I want or what I do doesn’t matter.” That’s a hard, prickly thought to have and even harder to write. Just identifying it is helpful but doesn’t really lessen the pain that is associated with the thought. Now that I am genuinely aware, of the thought, the underlying message that drives my feelings, I must choose a different path when they are engaged. This is not as easy as selecting a different route on Mapquest to reach my destination.

My emotions are an automatic response to my thoughts. I am encouraged that I am now noticing my thoughts, but the real challenge will be in choosing different thoughts so I can shift my emotional response. How will I do that? Well, for starters, when I get my panties in a wad, I will ask myself:

What’s the thought I am having that is causing my dander to rise?

“I don’t matter.”

Is that thought true?

“Heck no, I matter!”

What positive thought can I replace this negative thought with?

“I matter, whether or not my good intentions resonate with others is out of my control (can I get an AMEN!)”

Many of you may notice that this is the thought work of Byron Katie, and it’s pretty amazing stuff. Check it out by Googling Byron Katie or pick up her book “Loving What Is.” There are also tons of Youtube videos of her working her magic on painful thoughts that hold people back.

I am going to get started on this new approach ASAP, right after I order me a sausage pizza!!

#LovingWhatis “ByronKatie “Pizza

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A life that Sparkles.

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Sue BradyJanuary 30, 2019Comment