Scary Stories We Tell Ourselves

“Many times, the thought of fear itself is greater than what is it we fear.” ~ Idowu Koyenikan

I watched a great show on Saturday night with Oprah and Iylana Vanzant. These women are amazing on their own, and together they are absolute magic! Saturday's show was about fear. It's called "Fear Not," and there will be another episode on this Saturday night on OWN Network. Check it out.

After watching this show, I thought about the fear that I have had in my life over the years. Times when I was up against a situation that made my mind and heart race. I know that you are familiar with that feeling. It's probably shown up a time or two in your own life.

This show was focused on the Coronavirus pandemic and the types of fear that were emerging for people. Fear of the future. Fear of the virus, both getting it personally or someone you loved getting it. Financial anxiety, how they would recover after losing their job.

Over 36 million people have filed for unemployment. That number is staggering. Plus, there are many more that haven't applied for unemployment yet, so that number will most certainly go up.

Financial security is a hot button for me. I have known that feeling of not knowing where your next dollar is going to come from. When I feel the sensation of financial scarcity in my life, I am immediately transported back to 1981. I'm immediately frightened and have to tell myself to breathe. Once I take a couple of deep breaths, that feeling of panic subsides.

In 1981 I was working for Macy's in Kansas City. I made a whopping $15,000 a year. After I paid my share of the rent, utilities, paid for gas to get to work, and other non-negotiable bills, there was little money left over.

I would keep my grocery bill to $25 a week. Did I mention I was thin? I mean THIN. And of course, I was starving. My boss was very kind. She would show up to work each morning with a Hardee's Breakfast Biscuit and tell me they had a special, buy one get one free. I didn't believe her, but I would inhale the biscuit none the less.

I would park six blocks from the office in the quarter lot. I certainly couldn't afford the $1.25 a day garage across the street from our building. Some days I didn't have the quarter either, and I would get nasty notes on my windshield.

My lunch would consist of a sandwich of that paper-thin sliced meat product (I would splurge and use two slices that you could see through) and a granola bar. Did I mention I was starving and skinny!

I had a dear friend visit me for the weekend. They were younger than me and in college. Apparently, college students are hungrier than the working poor. In two hours, they had eaten ALL the food I had bought for the WEEK, and I started to cry. It was a terrifying, emotional place to live. I was embarrassed that I had nothing left to offer my guest. I felt shame that I worked so hard and had so little to show for it.

I had a boyfriend who lived out of town, and long-distance phone calls were costly, so we communicated by snail mail. Here's the kicker, I couldn't afford the stamps. Let me refresh your memory. Postage stamps cost $.15 back in 1981, and I couldn't afford to buy them.

So how did I mail letters? I would take the postage stamps off the letters from my boyfriend and erase the little wavy postage lines; then, I would glue them on my letters back to him. (Now don't share this info. I don't want the Feds at my front door for grand theft!)

I was beyond broke, living in fear, hungry, miserable, and feeling shame about my situation. That's an awful place to live. That feeling comes rushing forward when I think about the financial crisis that 36 million-plus people are going through right now. That's the power of our story and how it can shape our lives.

We all have stories that run on a loop in the back of our daily lives. It's that voice that we think we have drowned out with busyness that tells us what we can and can't do. It's the 'shoulds' in our life. What we tell ourselves we should be doing. It's BS, but it's powerful BS.

Are you currently telling yourself a story, maybe without even knowing it? Think back over the past couple of days. Did you tell yourself you shouldn't do something that you wanted to do? Not eat that ice cream that was calling your name? Don't say what's on your mind because nice girls don't do that? There is a constant stream of direction coming from your subconscious that guides your every step. The sad part is that much of this well-meaning guidance comes from stories that aren't ours.

Well-meaning adults in our lives helped to shape our stories by sharing their stories with us when we were kids. The stories were meant to guide us into making good choices, but who's to say what the right choice is for you?

Stories are compelling, indeed. Over the next couple of days, when fear arises, and you get a 'No' to something you want to do, say, or experience, ask yourself if there is a story attached. You might be surprised.

One of my many talents is identifying, questioning, and taking apart stories that no longer serve us. As we emerge from this several-month-long lockdown, let's NOT take our stories back out into the world. I would love to help you lean into a more accurate narrative that's uniquely yours.

Here's how I can help... The Path to Clarity

Sue BradyMay 19, 2020